Turn the tide

We are more likely to remember the negative things than the positive. We also tend to focus on our shortcomings, our lack or our bad habits !

And of course a lot of people, especially the critics are immediately there to remind us of our former mistakes or our past failures ! One mistake, one bad choice and you are nailed to the cross or are looking towards a life time penance !

There are enough examples in the media : businessmen, sporters, actors, tumbling off their pedestal, once adored and idolized now despised, condemned and reviled ! It’s as we are always looking for a scapegoat, someone to blame !

In 2011, a Bundesliga referee couldn’t cope with all the nasty remarks anymore and he attempted suicide hours before a game. Luckily his assistants found him and were able to take him to a hospital and save his life.

While he was recovering he received a note from German star Bastian Schweinsteiger.  The Bayern Munich star wrote to Rafati : “Mr Rafati, there are often setbacks in life, but you have to bounce back each time. I wish you all the best.”

The little note made a huge impact on Mr. Rafati’s life. He was touched by the player’s kindness. But how do you turn the tide when things get out of hand ? How do you bounce back when things have gone too far, when it even seems too much to handle ? You can’t cope with it anymore and are ready to throw in the towel…

report_9954_2017-04-06

Put everything back in perspective !

We are human, humans make mistakes ! It’s an integral part of life, inherent to life. Mistakes are part of our growth process, we can learn from them ! They can teach us what works and what doesn’t, so that we are able to adjust or change course !

Don’t identify with your mistakes or problems. If you keep repeating that you are a failure, that nothing ever really works out for you, you will never escape this roundabout of negativity. You have to break the pattern and start putting more positivity in yourself.

Bring back positivity

We all know that boss who is unable to compliment us for our good work or praise us for our excellence but happens to spot and comment every single thing that goes wrong.

We all remember our teachers who couldn’t utter a single positive word, who were always belittling, complaining, judging…who picked on us !

Or we had parents who were never satisfied of our actions and our behaviour and now it seems as if you have to prove yourself continiously in life. “Am I right or wrong, am I doing good ? I don’t know what to do !”

You start doubting and worrying and you become indecisive about what you really want !

Stop looking for others’ appreciation or approval

What other people think or say about you shouldn’t be of any concern to you. When others trigger you and leave you feeling bad, you have given permission to them to pollute your personal space.

Do not let them enter your system ! Each time you let them penetrate your energyfield, you devaluate yourself !

If you keep living according to others’ standards and morals, you’ll have to face a lot of regrets in life. Why don’t you take the direction YOU want in life and choose the things that make you feel good ?

Restore your self worth

If we would be more self loving, we wouldn’t experience that much resistance or opposition in life. Be less judgemental about yourself and others ! Stop giving your power away ! Focus on your own progress. Invest in yourself !

Start talking positively to yourself instead of repeating “Mea Culpa” all the time. Blame, guilt and shame are too heavy burdens to carry around for long ! These emotions will only affect and infect you in a bad way !

Be forgiving

When someone did you wrong, staying resentful, spewing hateful thoughts or words will only keep you trapped in negativity. Same as for seeking revenge : “He will pay for what he did, he won’t get away with it…” Remember that hatred eats the soul of the hater, not the hated !

Sometimes the most important person you need to forgive is yourself ! When you have done something wrong and feel bad about it, admit it, apologize and ask for forgiveness ! Even if the other person refuses to forgive you, that’s their choise !

And if you have trouble forgiving someone, keep the following sentence in mind : Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future !

NO-JUDGEMENT

Phuro! Be inspired!

 

 

Sky & sand

A friend of ours used to have a snack bar in our neighbourhood. One evening my son ran to the counter and ordered french fries and a burger, he mentioned to our friend that he didn’t like the sesame seeds on the bun !

Our friend immediately took a burger bun and started scraping off the seeds…

I started laughing. ”What are you doing silly, you don’t have to do that you know, stop that ! You are treating my son like a king.” I said.

He turned to me : “If the boy wants a burger without those tiny bastards, he will have one !”

Before I could even reply he continued : “Shall I remind you of one of your house rules lady : “The Queen doesn’t cook on Friday !”  “Well today is my turn to treat him like a King !” He winked at my son who already had a big smile on his face !

There was no point in arguing with him so I rested my case ! Our conversations were always quite loud and joyful, we liked to tease each other !

Desert+Moon-Dean+Raphael-6

But months later our plans to have french fries for dinner were disturbed, the doors from our friend’s bar were closed and stayed closed. Closed as in forever closed…

He had killed himself the night before. We were all in shock. How was that possible ?

He was fully prepared and had it all planned. He had written his last wishes on paper for his family. One of them was to play “Sky and sand” at his funeral.

That’s the reason why some weeks later, I found myself in tears at a wedding party when the DJ played this song. Although it used to be one of my favourites, I was now instantly reminded of darkness and death !

There I was asking myself : “Why ? Why you ? What were you thinking ? Why was your soul in such pain ? Why didn’t you shout out and ask for help ?”

Desert+Moon-Dean+Raphael-10

He was already the third one who decided to step out of life and hang himself. The weight of those three fell on me, through that song, that night on the dancefloor…

Music touches our soul directly and is able to remind us of the good times and the bad times. It can bring back joyful and painful memories and trigger our deepest sadness or happiness !

It took me a while to get over the sadness and grief that I had linked to the song and to really appreciate it again without shedding tears.

I now see its beauty again and when I hear it I think about all those beautiful souls and the good times we had !

As long as we are flying, all this world ain’t got no end !

 

Phuro! Be inspired!

Cut it out bullies…

I don’t have to tell anyone the difference between a bully and a victim or an agressor and a defender. But what do bullies and their victims have in common?

They are both “unbalanced” and swing between anger and fear !

tumblr_logfosGN1A1qc0i5jo1_500.gif

Some kids grow up in harsh environments, without any signs of affection or words of support and appreciation. Some have to confront a bully at home, some are victim of verbal or physical abuse.

These children often become fearful, resentful or agressive. Some become bullies themselves as a way to cope with their life and deal with the pain. “Someone has to pay !”

Some are in search of someone they can control, who are an easy target for their verbal assaults or physical attacks, children who show signs of weakness, looking “weird” or react fearful.

The victim’s life will get worse if the bully isn’t stopped. The victim’s fear becomes frustration, the frustration becomes anger and is eventually spitted out on parents, sisters, brothers,…It causes a serious vicious cycle, everything is loaded !

Mental strength and emotional resilience

4H63.gif

Each time the bully shoots his arrows on you and you feel bad, he has found ground where his anger can settle and sprout ! Then you make it even worse with repetitive negative thoughts about yourself.

Knitted together they make a giant ball of frustration, difficult to untangle ! Ever had a chewing gum in your hair ? That kind of nasty thing ! You’ll have to come up with an ingenious solution if you do not want it to turn into a complete mess !

Self analysis * change * transformation

Freeze it on spot !

giphy (7)

You are not freaking out this time ! Be an iceman : let them fire their fiery flames ! You will build a huge icewall to protect yourself. The flames will have vanished before they can hit you ! That cold icy layer and that cold freezing air around you makes you untouchable for these attacks. “Is that all they got ?” Brush yourself off !!

Tip : There’s a breathing and relaxing method called the Freeze frame technique developed by Heart Math institute that can help you stay calm in case of emergency.

Energy level

Mushu-GIF-mulan-23680573-500-300.gif

What is your current energy level ? How is your health ? Are you eating the right food ? Do you have any physical pain, where does it hurt ?  What is your overall body feeling

When emotions accumulate they cause stress and dis-ease in your body, they will make your body go weak.

Tips : Eat plenty of natural and fresh food. Don’t self-medicate !

Thoughts & beliefs

tenor (3)

Write down your repetitive thoughts about the situation, about yourself, about the bully. What kind of thoughts are you constantly chewing on ? Your thoughts will eighter be occupied by something in the past or something in the future !

Where’s your self-talk heading ? How do you describe yourself ? What are words or sentences you frequently use ?

Tips : Make your self-talk positive. Learn to visualize a good outcome. Focus on the positive. Be courageous ! Have a role play with friends or family to practise some good one-liners !

Emotions & feelings

i-live-mushu-gif-12

Your habitual thoughts will cause you to imagine different kind of scenarios. A doom scenario in your head will usually result in a bad feeling. How often do you repeat previous attacks in your mind, each time experiencing the emotions again ? You can already feel fearful because of what tomorrow brings. Before you know you are in a vicious cycle with continious vicious results.

Tips : Focus your attention on things that feel good, let go of bad feelings instead of storing them in your body. Learn how to relax and do breathing exercices. Focus on heart feelings ! Anger issues : find some tips here : Throwing a tantrum ?

Triggers

original (1).gif

Is there something out of your control ? Something or someone in your surroundings that actually worsens the whole thing ?

Do you have supportive family or friends ? When yes, spit all your worries out !

Tips : Too sad, too lonely, too depressed ? Seek help ! Suicidal, someone threatens you ? Seek help !

Social behavior

tumblr_inline_mhn9buZiLe1qz4rgp

What is your attitude and style around other people ? How’s your walk and talk ? Are you walking with your shoulders up or down ? Are you facing the ground or looking around ? Do you want to control people all the time or are you the one being controlled ? Are you shy or bossy ?  What kind of behavior of others triggers you ?

Tips : Practise your attitude in front of a mirror, look confident, stand straight ! Make eye contact when you talk to someone ! Tell your affirmations out loud in front of the mirror every day !

“When did a dragon ever die of the poison of a snake ?”

Nietzsche

All these things are related, and you will find out that when you bring a positive change in one section another will soon follow. Use the tips and you will surely get positive results !

Your own thoughts and emotions can be your biggest monsters and the most challenging  but you are always in control of them and you are able to change them ! When you face the fears inside the bully often disappears outside !

Phuro! Be inspired!

No strings attached

When someone has a request or asks you a question, you can feel whether they are trying to control you, pulling you in a certain direction or whether they are leaving you free to decide what to do.

Someone can make you an offer and say : “No strings attached”. If there are no strings attached to an offer or an arrangement, there is nothing that is unpleasant that you have to accept. You don’t feel duped or trapped. 

How often do you feel trapped or chained in a relationship ? Suffocated, unable to breathe ? How often do you feel that “your hands are tied” or that someone else is pulling the strings ?

All these expressions may refer to attachment cords. Most people consider this figurative language but on the subtle plane these cords do exist !

Toxic relationships are kept alive by astral cords. Because of these strings we can feel stuck in our lives !

People constantly nagging at each other, verbal or physical abuse, blame and shame or humiliation…

A lot of negative energy (even from the past) runs through these cords, between these persons, flowing in and out of their aura.

Even when someone has died, the energy patterns in these strings can still remain active or triggered !

Letting go of the death of a loved one doesn’t mean you no longer love that person, it means that you still cherish all the good things but you allow each other to continue your journey.

These cords aren’t limited to people eighter. These cords can exist between you and your personal belongings, certain objects or places.

They can exist between you and your house, your car, animals and plants…

You can be tied to thought patterns, (religious) beliefs, ideas and desires.

You can be absorbed by ideals of certain groupes or organizations.

How can you break free ?

12006322_1172904486060216_2440158317497186369_n

Do not allow others to penetrate your energy field or to dominate your space. Learn to protect yourself and keep your energy free. “Breaking free” requires a lot of conscious attention and emotional detachement !

Visualization exercises

Going back to a positive experience or creating a new one !

Can you remember a time when you faced your fears, when you acted courageous and fearless ? Go into the emotions of that moment, feel that strength and power again, see how other people responded to your courage, your guts and determination ! Try to apply this in your daily life again !

Balloon Technique
A simple technique is to visualize that you are surrounded by a bright light bulb or in a bright balloon. Zip it from bottom to top, seal it completely ! This way you protect yourself from all negativity, but you still allow the good to come to you. When this technique becomes a habit before you greet other people or when you move yourself into a crowd, it will keep you free from attacks from the outside.

 

“Fogging”

When others or mean to you, humiliate you, do not react but remain calm. Imagine that there’s a fog coming up, seperating you from your agressors, a veil seperates you from those vicious words coming to you. They are absorbed before they can hit you. Nothing can touch you !
Other interesting reads :

 

“Energetic divorce” Tapping exercise from Jen Ward (www.jenuinehealing.com)

Project52_week12_Let_go_of_what_holds_you_back

Empower yourself with this simple but powerful protocol !

You can do this exercise regarding every person in your life. Untangle yourself from a family member, a co-worker, your boss or friend. Free yourself from the energy of an ex-husband, a vicious client, or a sick patient. You may even want to do this protocol with every organization or idea that has held you back…

(Say each statement 3 times out loud while CONTINUOUSLY tapping on the top of your head at the crown chakra and say it a fourth time while tapping on your chest at the heart chakra)

“I release being with ___________ out of habit; in all moments”
“I release feeling dependent on ____________; in all moments”
“I release feeling beholden to ___________ ; in all moments”
“I release being enslaved to ___________; in all moments”
“I recant all vows and agreements between myself and __________; in all moments”
“I remove all curses between myself and __________; in all moments”
“I sever all strings and cords between myself and __________; in all moments”
“I dissolve all karmic ties between myself and __________; in all moments”
“I remove all the pain, burden, limitations and engrams that _________ has put on me; in all moments”
“I remove all the pain, burden, limitations and engrams that I have put on ___________; in all moments”
“I take back all the Joy, Love, Abundance, Freedom, Health, Success, Security, Companionship, Creativity, Peace, Life, Wholeness, Beauty, Enthusiasm, Contentment, Spirituality, Enlightenment and Confidence that ____________ has taken from me; in all moments”
“I give back all that I have taken from ____________; in all moments”
“I withdraw all my energy from ____________’: in all moments”
“I release resonating with ______________; in all moments”
“I release emanating with ______________; in all moments”
“I remove all of _____________ from my sound frequency; in all moments”
“I remove all of _____________ from my light body; in all moments”
“I shift my paradigm from __________ to Joy, Love, Abundance, Freedom, Health, Success, Security, Companionship, Creativity, Peace, Life, Wholeness, Beauty, Enthusiasm, Contentment, Spirituality, Enlightenment and Confidence; in all moments”
“I strip all illusion off of ___________; in all moments”
“I transcend ____________; in all moments”
“I repair and fortify the Wei Chi on all my bodies; in all moments”
“I align all my bodies; in all moments”
“I am centered and empowered in divine love; in all moments”
“I make space in this world to know true Love: in all moments”
“I remove all blockages to knowing true love; in all moments”
“I stretch my capacity to recognize true love; in all moments”
“I stretch my capacity to embrace true love; in all moments”

 

Untangle your knots and cut the cords between you and your problems !

Phuro! Be inspired!

Who lives in your head ?

I recently saw an episode of the Big Bang Theory where Sheldon and his friends were about to play a bowling tournament. Suddenly Sheldon found himself standing face to face with his enemy Wil Wheaton, a guy he really dislikes because he has beaten him at a card game several years ago.

While Wil doesn’t care what Sheldon thinks of him, Sheldon still struggles with feelings of resentment, irritation and hate !

Wil Wheaton : You’re not still carrying a grudge because I beat you at this card tournament, are you ?

Sheldon Cooper : I’m the proud owner of wilwheatonstinks.com, .net and .org. What does that tell you?

Wil Wheaton : It tells me that i am living rent-free right here. (Points at Sheldon’s head)

tumblr_mg80bqTsZB1rn4qwao3_250

 

Bang ! Big bang !

I started wondering : “Who is still living in MY head ?” “Who is living there rent-free ?” “Whom should I have refused entrance to a long time ago ?” “Who do I still allow running around in my mind, disturbing my inner peace, controlling my emotions ?”

Sometimes you replay several times in your head what has happened in the past and you start reliving the pain or the suffering that the person caused you. Perhaps you even start crying again or get angry when you think about it. And then the doubts creep in and you start blaming yourself : “I should have done this or I should have said that !”

Next time your mind wanders to a person or an event from the past that still triggers you emotionally, try to play another scenario in your head. Let go of the old condition and create a new scenario that brings you peace !

Let all this bottled up, unexpressed anger out of your system and state : “Stop ! I do not allow you to to cause havoc in my house !” (Seek help from a counselor or person you trust when these emotions are related to traumatic events, these people can assist you and provide a safe environment that allows you to relive the experience.)

All our emotions and thoughts are energy. We often place our focus and our intentions on things that do not feel good, but all they do is disrupt our sense of well-being, they bring our energy level down. When they are clogged long and deep enough they even cause disease in our bodies !

The only one who is holding the reins is you ! Why not go the direction that makes you feel good ? If negative feelings are suddenly bubbling up, do not feel guilty about how you feel but see it as an opportunity to refocus, to set your intentions straight, to choose experiences that are in alignement with your true self.

When your home is no longer disturbed by the hooligans from your past, you will have created enough space to allow the good into your life!

Phuro! Be inspired!

info@phuro.be