#mentalstrength

Cut it out bullies…

I don’t have to tell anyone the difference between a bully and a victim or an agressor and a defender. But what do bullies and their victims have in common?

They are both “unbalanced” and swing between anger and fear !

Some kids grow up in harsh environments, without any signs of affection or words of support and appreciation. Some have to confront a bully at home, some are victim of verbal or physical abuse.

These children often become fearful, resentful or agressive. Some become bullies themselves as a way to cope with their life and deal with the pain. “Someone has to pay !”

Some are in search of someone they can control, who are an easy target for their verbal assaults or physical attacks, children who show signs of weakness, looking “weird” or react fearful.

The victim’s life will get worse if the bully isn’t stopped. The victim’s fear becomes frustration, the frustration becomes anger and is eventually spitted out on parents, sisters, brothers,…It causes a serious vicious cycle, everything is loaded !

Mental strength and emotional resilience

Each time the bully shoots his arrows on you and you feel bad, he has found ground where his anger can settle and sprout ! Then you make it even worse with repetitive negative thoughts about yourself.

Knitted together they make a giant ball of frustration, difficult to untangle ! Ever had a chewing gum in your hair ? That kind of nasty thing ! You’ll have to come up with an ingenious solution if you do not want it to turn into a complete mess !

Self analysis * change * transformation

Freeze it on spot !

You are not freaking out this time ! Be an iceman : let them fire their fiery flames ! You will build a huge icewall to protect yourself. The flames will have vanished before they can hit you ! That cold icy layer and that cold freezing air around you makes you untouchable for these attacks. “Is that all they got ?” Brush yourself off !!

Tip : There’s a breathing and relaxing method called the Freeze frame technique developed by Heart Math institute that can help you stay calm in case of emergency.

Energy level

What is your current energy level ? How is your health ? Are you eating the right food ? Do you have any physical pain, where does it hurt ? What is your overall body feeling

When emotions accumulate they cause stress and dis-ease in your body, they will make your body go weak.

Tips : Eat plenty of natural and fresh food. Don’t self-medicate !

Thoughts & beliefs

Write down your repetitive thoughts about the situation, about yourself, about the bully. What kind of thoughts are you constantly chewing on ? Your thoughts will eighter be occupied by something in the past or something in the future !

Where’s your self-talk heading ? How do you describe yourself ? What are words or sentences you frequently use ?

Tips : Make your self-talk positive. Learn to visualize a good outcome. Focus on the positive. Be courageous ! Have a role play with friends or family to practise some good one-liners !

Emotions & feelings

Your habitual thoughts will cause you to imagine different kind of scenarios. A doom scenario in your head will usually result in a bad feeling. How often do you repeat previous attacks in your mind, each time experiencing the emotions again ? You can already feel fearful because of what tomorrow brings. Before you know you are in a vicious cycle with continious vicious results.

Tips : Focus your attention on things that feel good, let go of bad feelings instead of storing them in your body. Learn how to relax and do breathing exercices. Focus on heart feelings ! Anger issues : find some tips here : Throwing a tantrum ?

Triggers

Is there something out of your control ? Something or someone in your surroundings that actually worsens the whole thing ?

Do you have supportive family or friends ? When yes, spit all your worries out !

Tips : Too sad, too lonely, too depressed ? Seek help ! Suicidal, someone threatens you ? Seek help !

Social behavior

What is your attitude and style around other people ? How’s your walk and talk ? Are you walking with your shoulders up or down ? Are you facing the ground or looking around ? Do you want to control people all the time or are you the one being controlled ? Are you shy or bossy ? What kind of behavior of others triggers you ?

Tips : Practise your attitude in front of a mirror, look confident, stand straight ! Make eye contact when you talk to someone ! Tell your affirmations out loud in front of the mirror every day !

“When did a dragon ever die of the poison of a snake ?”

Nietzsche

All these things are related, and you will find out that when you bring a positive change in one section another will soon follow. Use the tips and you will surely get positive results !

Your own thoughts and emotions can be your biggest monsters and the most challenging but you are always in control of them and you are able to change them ! When you face the fears inside the bully often disappears outside !

Phuro! Be inspired!

Soccer is a TEAM sport II

Be involved !

Mental coaching isn’t about shouting uplifting words all the times or telling a player he needs more confidence, that’s just not enough. Tell him something he doesn’t know yet !

HOW he can get more confidence…WHAT does he need to do ? He wants a solution, not just having the problem shoved under his nose again…

Sometimes we believe our children aren’t smart enough, We often talk behind their back and make decisions according to what we believe is best, but they themselves are part of the solution.

They have to learn how to focus and how to communicate honestly !

Team players should be encouraged to regularly talk to eachother so they can better understand their team and be involved in it.

The reason why I caricatured some players in my previous blog Soccer is a TEAM sport (the bully, the cryer, the comedian, the unmotivated one) is because all of these traits are present within yourselves on some level but you have to acknowledge this in order to change it.

Be honest with yourselves, talk about your qualities and your flaws and regard critcism from coaches and team members as feedback.

Listen and work on the solution together !

Phuro! Be inspired!

Soccer is a TEAM sport

We all know that soccer is a competitive sport between two teams. But how often do we see that team members are quarreling against eachother or that players sabotage themselves during the game ?

If you are a soccer player, know that your biggest opponent is often yourself ! Let us go into the group dynamics of a soccer team and categorize some of these players.

The thinker

Do you believe there’s a voice in your head that is always there to criticize you and contradicting everything that you do ? That’s your inner critic who is getting in the way ! He can say nasty things like : “You can never repeat such a move again.” or : “You moron, that ball should have been in !”

It’s not a good time to judge every move you make on the field. Trust that you will perform at your best and stay focused. Observe your actions instead of judging them !

The doubter

Doubters lack self confidence. Their self talk is usually negative and judgemental towards themselves and they are easily struck down by the criticism of others (team members, opponents, coach and supporters). Watch the body language of the player altering after a remark : he will be completely out of the game (not focused), and he will lose strength (the remark “hits” him and makes him go weak !)

The bully

So you think you are strong when you’re angry ? Guess what ? Nope ! An aggressive and tensed player gets weak too and is prone to injuries. Why ? Whenever you are not balanced, you will use muscles that aren’t neccessarily useful during soccer. Your muscles will start contracting, you will use a lot of energy that you could have used to the maximum when you would have been focused on the game ! Not to mention the consequences you have to face afterwards when you were verbally or physically aggressive towards someone…

The cryer

Here’s the other side of the emotional pendulum : the sad one always plays the victim. Just as the angry player will go weak, the emotional one will lack the energy to play a good game. They often are not resilient to what happens around them and would rather throw in the towel after a misser. Why continue ? We have already lost the game…Their head is already in the shower…

The frustrated player

The frustrated one will focus on everything that goes wrong in the team and will get angry because of his own “stupidity” or because of other players’ actions. He will eventually start yelling at other players and will get stressed and demotivated too. Remember that you are a team and that you have a common goal to achieve. Keep yourself and others motivated !

The unmotivated player

Are you forced by your parents to play soccer ? Would you rather do something else then playing soccer ? Are you just keeping your father’s dream alive ? Time for an honest chat if you would ask me !

Players can also get demotivated by their environnement. This includes angry parents and coaches, supporters, jealous girlfriends, disputes between team members etc…

And then there are players who don’t show up for practise and expect to play and win the next game on saturday…

The egoist

So you think you got it all worked out for you…and that you really don’t need to practise that hard. It’s a piece of cake acccording to you. You would rather drop dead than to pass the ball to a team member whose in a better position to score. You are surprised when other team members start to exclude you. “What are they thinking ? Ignoring a great talent like me….”

Also remember that “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”

The comedian

You do need fun and pleasure otherwise you will never keep on top of your performances, but that doesn’t mean the game has to become a caricature, a theatre play or a drama. Don’t waste your precious time by giving us a magnificent show, people are here to watch a soccer game, not a stand up comedy !

The balanced one

Do you really want to be the next Messi or Ronaldo ? When the passion for soccer comes from deep within…you are destined to become a great athlete ! The great ones keep going despite all outer appearences and judgements of others…

Remember they said Messi was too small to be a succesful soccer player ? You can always prove them wrong. Build up your mental strength and emotional resilience and work hard to be a winner !

Next time we’ll discuss the tools you can use to beat any opposition on your way to success !

Phuro! Be inspired!